If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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