How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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