So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
