Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize