xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
