you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
