Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
