i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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