I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
