your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
