I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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