I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
