We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We have started to decorate penises.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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