I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
