In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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