I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
