How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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