Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
