Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
