I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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