Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
