remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
