put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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