So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
