i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
