I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
