I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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