haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
