You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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