So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
