I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
