Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
