the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Im part way to drunk.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
