He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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