Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
