Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I lost the right to judge tonight
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize