The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
