Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize