I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
