Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
