dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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