So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
