im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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