so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am naked and annoyed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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