Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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