how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
