Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
