Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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