Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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