weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
