Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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