girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize