Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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