my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
