I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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