the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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