so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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