Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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