She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
