i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
