I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
