Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
