Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
