This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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