In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
