I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
