"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
