I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
