Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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