i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
