I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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