I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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