Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
