with your own penis?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
