Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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