and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
