If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
