Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize