My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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