You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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