Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
