Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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