I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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