Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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