Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
