so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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