I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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