loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
