kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
