Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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