got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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