I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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