i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
