Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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