I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
