You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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