I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
