I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
