I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
