It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you had me at cake vodka
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
