I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
