just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
