no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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