I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
