yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
